Saturday, August 26, 2006

Personal Mantras

At the beginning of the summer, I had tentatively planned to start a writing project. I won't divulge the details of said project now, because the point is that I've put it off shamelessly, and now, as the summer winds down, I'm sure that I won't find time for it. I've done very little writing (and even less reading) this summer. I'm not even going to indulge myself by coming up with excuses. I did, however, finish using up the last pages of the journal I had started at the beginning of the summer. (Shame on me indeed – I had envisioned going through at least three journals this summer). As with all of the final entries in my journals, I dispensed some words of advice to myself to mark the occasion: These are rules to live by, personal mantras, so to speak. I had written ten down this time, but I'll share five of them here. (The others are too specific for this blog.) Maybe by publishing them out in this pseudo-public space, I would actually keep to my word.

Stop worrying about the trivial. Seems straightforward enough, but I'm a compulsive worrier. I worry about things over which I have absolutely no control. Like the weather. Or the magical dragonflies with their translucent wings. Or things that happen half a world away, to people I don't even know. I worry about everybody in my life. I send elaborate letters to friends sometimes, thinking that I might have seen a sad “look” in their eyes. And then, I worry that my letters might have offended them. I worry that I worry too much....

Value those important to you, and know in turn that you are valued. I should hold more get-togethers with my friends, and not stress over the inadequacies of my culinary skills. I know that my friends love me for who I am, but my insecurities make me doubt.

Take control of your own happiness. Sometimes, when I'm alone, I would wish for the company of a few good friends to help me out of my incomprehensible slouch; however, when I'm with a group of people, and the conversation turns lively, I would withdraw and wish I were by myself, snuggled under the covers. What the hell do I really want?! I need to be happy in the moment, taking full advantage of both solitude and companionship.

Plan to be happy. Along the same lines as the above – I'll stop being the itinerant pessimist.

Be grateful without being complacent. There's something to be said about being in a state of contentment. Most often, I'm not. I'm inwardly restless, fretting about settling into something that's not good for me in the long run. How do I find that balance, where I can enjoy the now, but not lose vision and ambition? No easy answers here, but questions still count for something, right?


  1. Oh Vicky, you place the demand of writing on yourself, quit worrying about that and realize you are writing!!! Your blogs are delightful, well thought out, expressing insightful thoughts so well it amazes me how much you feel and see. You are a writer!!!

  2. I see someone has blown your cover! Swear it wasn't me!

  3. I know, Megan. But it doesn't really matter anymore. I mean, given my profile, it's pretty easy to figure it out anyway.