Personal Mantras

At the beginning of the summer, I had tentatively planned to start a writing project. I won't divulge the details of said project now, because the point is that I've put it off shamelessly, and now, as the summer winds down, I'm sure that I won't find time for it. I've done very little writing (and even less reading) this summer. I'm not even going to indulge myself by coming up with excuses. I did, however, finish using up the last pages of the journal I had started at the beginning of the summer. (Shame on me indeed – I had envisioned going through at least three journals this summer). As with all of the final entries in my journals, I dispensed some words of advice to myself to mark the occasion: These are rules to live by, personal mantras, so to speak. I had written ten down this time, but I'll share five of them here. (The others are too specific for this blog.) Maybe by publishing them out in this pseudo-public space, I would actually keep to my word.

Stop worrying about the trivial. Seems straightforward enough, but I'm a compulsive worrier. I worry about things over which I have absolutely no control. Like the weather. Or the magical dragonflies with their translucent wings. Or things that happen half a world away, to people I don't even know. I worry about everybody in my life. I send elaborate letters to friends sometimes, thinking that I might have seen a sad “look” in their eyes. And then, I worry that my letters might have offended them. I worry that I worry too much....

Value those important to you, and know in turn that you are valued. I should hold more get-togethers with my friends, and not stress over the inadequacies of my culinary skills. I know that my friends love me for who I am, but my insecurities make me doubt.

Take control of your own happiness. Sometimes, when I'm alone, I would wish for the company of a few good friends to help me out of my incomprehensible slouch; however, when I'm with a group of people, and the conversation turns lively, I would withdraw and wish I were by myself, snuggled under the covers. What the hell do I really want?! I need to be happy in the moment, taking full advantage of both solitude and companionship.

Plan to be happy. Along the same lines as the above – I'll stop being the itinerant pessimist.

Be grateful without being complacent. There's something to be said about being in a state of contentment. Most often, I'm not. I'm inwardly restless, fretting about settling into something that's not good for me in the long run. How do I find that balance, where I can enjoy the now, but not lose vision and ambition? No easy answers here, but questions still count for something, right?