Thursday, December 14, 2006


Sometimes, life is like a closet – in need of reorganization. In with the new, out with the old. It's time to toss out the useless junk that's been cluttering my consciousness. Let bygones be bygones. Easier said than done, so I began with some literal reorganization of my living space. Got rid of the television in the living room – well, I relocated it to the spare room. Painstakingly hauled the futon into the spare room as well. Adjusted my digital piano, did the ever-growing pile of dishes, and chucked piles and piles of old newspapers and magazines. My room still looks like the aftermath of a hurricane, but it's a start.

The year is quickly rolling to an end. Everyone has been asking me just how excited I've been at the prospect of being in Cuba over the holidays; sadly, I'm afraid my response has been somewhat disappointing for everyone. Yes, I want to be in Cuba. I want to tan (speaking of which, I should book some tanning sessions now, before I go, so that I won't burn). I want to snorkel and kayak and take in that tropical paradise. But, I'm loathing the panic of catching connecting flights, of figuring out a new place, of botching up a foreign language. I just want to build a bubble around myself and interact with the outside world if and when I choose to. I know, I'm beginning to sound like a spoiled brat, and spoiled people are my number one pet peeve.

In with a new mindset, out with self-doubt and self-loathing. In the new year, I promise myself to 1) not let past hurts continue to eat away at me; 2) maintain a healthy diet and exercise schedule (ha!); 3) stop with the compulsive online shopping; 4) find non-material ways to be generous to myself.

In the meantime, I can still enjoy that last piece of apple-caramel cheesecake. It's my relaxing comfort food, not my impulsive, mopey food.  At least for tonight -- and that's all I can focus on right now....

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