Pain and beauty

Here I am, sitting at my cluttered desk, and my mind is all aflutter because I don't think I'm prepared for my big exam first thing in the morning. However, there's also a part of my brain that is completely peaceful, that knows and feels that everything will be fine. I'm not aiming high this time. I'm just aiming to finish and not feel crushed. I have another exam on Sunday morning, and then I'll have to pound out two major term papers before conquering the next slew of exams. I want to take a good friend to my favourite noodle-house before I take off to the Dominican Republic and slurp those thick, mouth-watering handmade noodles and eat the scrumptious dumplings. I've talked about this little hole-in-the-wall place forever. It'll be a pre-Christmas treat. (Get back to those flashcards, V! Stop drooling over the thought of noodles and dumplings!)

Today, I finally went and got a new library card. The car wouldn't start, although I had driven it to the supermarket just a few days ago. The city had sent one of those big street-sweeping trucks to our neighbourhood to clear the roads of the rotting leaves that had clumped and stuck along both sides. I knew that I had to move the car, so I thought maybe I should drive to the library instead of taking transit. It was embarrassing to sit there turning the key in the ignition while the little car coughed and whined, all the while with the street-sweeping truck waiting, making that whirring sound as though to hurry me along. But no, the car (lovingly named Bob by me just a couple of weeks ago) would not be hurried. Finally, I popped out and went back into the house, defeated. And the truck went on its merry way, zig-zagging around Bob. An hour later, I decided to give it another go, and Bob finally gave in to my persistence, and off we went to the library.

I was just so distracted though.... I did everything but study. I read the magazines, looked over the French books, flipped through recipes, and even started going through a self-help book on how to be more assertive.

My blog has descended into a tool for procrastinating rather than an outlet for discussing my opinions, thoughts, or feelings. I'm not going to blog again until I've finished two exams and at least one paper. That will mark the half-way point of what I need to get done.

* Oh, and in case you're wondering why the post is titled "Pain and beauty" -- I was reading Nick Bantock's Griffin and Sabine at the library this afternoon. It's something I had read before, but felt compelled to re-read. It's a line out of that book, and I had intended to write something profound about it, but somehow, it has turned into this. I'll try to articulate what my point was regarding that line in my next post, after that half-way point. Until then, happy holiday-planning, everyone!