Sunday, July 23, 2006

To wallow, or not to wallow

It's been raining for the past twenty-four hours. Normally, it would be an excuse to wallow (in anything, in nothing). However, for the first time in a long time, I feel a quiet, still contentment settling over me. The past week had started with me in somewhat of a dark place, but ended with a peace.

My cat is curled up in my lap (really on my stomach) as I type this. What more could I want? Today has been one of those uneventful days that are just priceless. As I walked to the grocery store, donning my raincoat and trudging through the little puddles on the street, I saw a group of little girls all huddled together, skipping down the hill under one umbrella. When the umbrella turned inside out from the wind, they howled with laughter. If I could just bottle up that laughter, I would never feel despair again.

Took a bath tonight. I've been converted – I used to hate the idea of sitting in a tub full of dirty water, but in recent nights, I've enjoyed a number of relaxing baths, full of coconutty bubbles and folksy/jazzy music played low (OK, actually I've been blaring the music – but it facilitates mindless sing-alongs). I felt as though I could soak away the negative layer of my being, slough off that outer skin and reveal a newer, purer self.

My volunteer-tutoring gig is almost over. We worked on the first draft of the final essay today, and did it in less than two-and-a-half hours! I was quite pleased with the result. Editing it should be a breeze.

Other tidbits that have added to my current sense of well-being:

  • Consciously letting go of someone I needed to have let go a long time ago (I know, this isn't a “tidbit,” more like an “I see the light” moment.)
  • Being comforted by someone who cares about me, and seeing that person in a different, clearer light (now that we're on the topic of “seeing the light”)
  • Telling myself that I'll be fine, and actually believing it this time

I know, those are all major, not “tidbits” at all, so here are some:

  • A tofu stir-fry and peanut-butter cookies cooked and shared by someone I had just met a few days ago
  • The fashion show at the arts festival
  • The greenhouse (Every time I visit, I'm just in awe.)

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