Sunday, July 01, 2007

Canada Day blues

My holidays are officially here. It's Canada Day, and I went out into the grey afternoon with my rain-jacket on to take in the parade. How a year has made all the difference. Last Canada Day was blue and bright and warm. I was standing on the roadside, picking up handfuls of candy from the passing floats, and passing them over to a guy I had secretly liked then. This Canada Day found me along the same road, but shivering and trying to stay warm and cheerful. Went over to a dear friend's house afterward and tried on dresses in order to narrow down outfits for an upcoming wedding in the summer (possibly two weddings).

This evening found me drinking red wine by myself and watching Bridget Jones's Diary. It's one of two movies that I routinely choose whenever I'm in a funk. This one usually does a decent job of picking me up, while the other draws me deeper in my self-piteous wallowing. A friend will come by soon to cheer me up with munchies and a comedic film, something light and mindless.

I tried to reconnect with a friend I had unwilfully neglected for the last little while, but she didn't want to talk. I could tell she had been crying. We vowed to each other that we'd both feel better tomorrow, and would have supper together.

My “Inuvik parents” have left town permanently. And, I'm still here. Yes, I chose to sign my contract two days ago, saying that I would stick around for another year. And I know that it's the right decision at this time, but I still feel at a loss. I fear that a year from now, I'd be in exactly the same position, perhaps feeling the same discontent, being stagnant, not progressing toward anything.

Canada Day is also the day of the triathlon up here in Inuvik. Two years ago, I had trained for it, only to have the race cancelled due to weather. Maybe that's what I need, to challenge myself once again to do something beyond my own comfort zone. I have two weeks of relaxation here before taking off southward. I hereby resolve to dispel this mopiness, and to heed to my friends' advice and keep myself busy.

If anyone catches me watching Bridget Jones again, please box me upside the head.

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