Saturday, January 17, 2009


Sometimes, the world seems so small. I could go to the grocery store and encounter an old school friend, someone I had lost touch with years ago. I could type up a long-lost friend's name on Google and find enough information to connect with her after years of drifting apart. I could use my cell phone, internet, instant-messaging and stay on top of the lives of those who matter to me.

Alternately, the world seems so big, so immense. If I were to stop the phone calls and e-mails, I could go for months, quite possibly years, and live in complete isolation. I could wander the streets, the malls, the cities, and not see anyone I know.

The bridge between the simultaneous perceptions of the world's minuteness and immensity is our personal choices and actions. I am the one to decide who continues to matter in my life, who can I not stand losing. Our self-worth depends not upon how many people care for us deeply, but upon how we love others, and how we show them that we care. Other people's trust and confidence are gifts that we must not squander. By extension, we must let go of people who have not cherished our trust, who have not been honest with us, even if it hurts to lose them.

I guess this is my circular way of resolving, in this new year, to walk away from certain people who have never been a true friend to me, to accept that my caring cannot force them to reciprocate the feelings I have for them. It may feel lonely for a while, but I know who will stay by my side, and those are the people who truly matter. I hope that I can show them just how much they matter.

Am I happy? Yes, because I finally realize that it sometimes takes losing something to gain something infinitely more precious. No, because it still hurts. But mostly yes, as hope and self-respect trump all hurt.


  1. Well thought and said.

    I appreciate your comment on the inauguration day post at synchronizing. The world is finally happy with something we've done here in the ole U S of A. I hope things will begin to change. Feels like they have!

  2. I think we always know that it sometimes takes losing something to gain something. But it's always the stuff that's not good for us that's the hardest to give up, to lose.