The pendulum

The pendulum has stopped swinging altogether. Sometimes, I go through phases of blogging-frenzy; then, at the other end of the pendulum, I go through months when I ignore blogging and just focus on my personal journal. These couple of months, however, I have done very little writing. I feel utterly uncreative, mentally tired, and hungry for something new.

I've considered deleting this blog, burning my journals, and just enjoying life without excessive contemplation. Yet, every time I open up my internet browser, and my blog stares me in the face, I get a little voice in my head telling me it's not time yet. I've known so many bloggers to have had the same struggles as I do. There's the exhilaration of connecting with friends and strangers alike, the therapy of venting and raving, yet sometimes, the blog feels as though it has morphed into something alien, or that it feels as though no matter how genuine I try to be, there are shadows cast that no amount of introspection could erase, that the words I use could never express what I want to say.

I have only four more work days left. Then, I'll have two weeks here to enjoy a northern summer before heading down to Vancouver to visit family. I have my friend's wedding to attend in August: It'll be an extravagant affair, and will be a reunion of sorts for the high school gang. Sometimes, I still cannot believe that one of us is getting married. She and her fiance have a new house. It's all very grown-up. It's a world that I cannot yet comprehend, although I'm arguably living it myself too.

No major summer plans other than that monumental celebration with my friend. I'd like to relive those lazy days of youth. To recapture the sense that I have alternately big and silly dreams still, I'm going to create a list of ten things I'd like to do before (or when) I “grow up.”

1.Go sky-diving, or at least have a hot-air balloon ride

2.Foster a child

3.Travel to or work in Africa

4.Make a movie, and compose the accompanying soundtrack

5.Perform in a musical

6.Kiss the person I love in the pouring rain

7.Live in a log cabin

8.Bicycle around Vancouver Island

9.Get a wild haircut

10.Two-step like a pro